My Gnarled Tree - Its Beautiful and Broken Branches

Sometimes our stories aren't written the way others' are - maybe you're like me, with a broken family branch because of domestic abuse; maybe you're adopted; maybe you have no idea who your family is. 

I was born to a young couple - one wasn't even an adult yet - and before my second birthday, tragedy struck and I was down a parent. My surviving parent eventually got married, and I got a stepbrother to join me and the brother who had the same parents I did, and then we were blessed with my half brother.  I was eventually taken in by another family that was just as intricately woven from many parts, and suddenly, I had more siblings than I knew what to do with! Talk about a full house! But how do you even BEGIN to document that in a family tree?

Some purists would argue that it's only about your biological family members, those you share DNA with. Well, some of those siblings I mention DO share DNA with me, and some with each other, so how does that fit? And for those who say ALL families (the wonderful and the sometimes not-so-wonderful) should be documented, can you layer family trees? How do you show those extra or unique relationships on a family tree? It can all be a bit tricky!

In my case, adding in all those siblings and parents was a no-brainer - they were all important to me in some way, and they were all part of my story, for good or bad. So my friends, it was time to think outside the box! I use Ancestry, and they have some awesome features that allow you to add all sorts of relationships to your tree. You can add step-parents, adoptive parents, and even note parental figures who are different relatives! Your family tree is YOUR story, so why not include everyone who's played a significant role in your life? And don't worry about what others might think - this is your chance to celebrate your unique family legacy!

Now for the nitty gritty. For my parents, adding my biological mom and dad was easy. I primarily use Ancestry, so my examples will be based on how they format things like this. I initially added my biological mother and father as you normally would, and entered their info. 

Then I added my biological brother who shared the same parents. After that, on my biological mother's profile, I added a second spouse, my stepdad. I added my half brother under my biological mother's profile, so she would automatically appear as his mother, and because she had two spouses listed, I could then select which one was his biological father. 

For my stepbrother, I added him through my stepfather's profile, similarly to how I added my half brother - I made sure to first add my stepdad's first wife, then added my step brother under his profile and selected the appropriate spouse to be his mother with my stepfather. 

After adding all of these, with myself as the "home person", the person on which all relationships are based in the tree, I could then see the appropriate relationship type under their names - step brother, step father, biological mother, brother, etc. Again, these are just titles, not reflective of who they are to me personally.

Now, to add my adoptive parents, I went back to my profile, and at the top right, you'll see some settings for the profile. Clicking the dropdown menu for Edit, I can see "Edit Relationships". In there, you can see Father, Mother, Spouse, and - if applicable - children. 

Under parents, either father or mother, I have both my biological parents visible as my parents. I can add more parents here with different relationship types - "Add Alternate Father" or "Add Alternate Mother". This then gives you the option to identify which parents are which kind, as in biological, step, adoptive, etc. Once you hit "Add Alternative", you can either select someone you've already made a profile for, or create a new person, much like you would any other new person you're adding to someone else's profile. 

Once you've added the alternate relationships (alternative ONLY to biological, they're not trying to diminish how you feel about them, just delineate between blood relatives and chosen family), you'll be able to see them in various formats throughout your tree and profile views. When you're viewing the Facts portion of your profile, you'll see the various parents on the side, "Biological Parents" being the primary relationship shown, with a dropdown just below that listed as "Additional Parent Relationships". 

Adding siblings through those parents works just like adding siblings to biological or step parents - it's easiest to add them directly under a parent after you've added the spouse (or partner) who is the other parent to that child. Note that I never said my biological parents were married - they were never legally married before my father died, but he's still my dad, and that will forever connect them. Even divorced parents will show up as "spouses" because that's how Ancestry designed it; it's another example of the family's biological and legal structure being prioritized in formatting over one's personal relationship with those people. I don't even talk to my biological mother anymore, but she's the person who gave birth to me, so there she is.

Remember, your story is YOURS, and you can write it how you experienced it. You can include as many or as few people as you'd like on your tree. I prefer adding as many people as possible (for research tips, more on that later!), but some people try to streamline by leaving out siblings and only putting in parents. There is a way to bring to life the parts of your family legacy that mean something to YOU, so in the end, there's no right or wrong way to structure it. 

Some of this may be painful - it was for me, because it brought up a lot of memories about how my family got this way. But in the end, we're all stories - make it yours.